5:30 PM Bliss Class with Diane.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

By Thursday at 5:30, I'm in need of something that resembles bliss. I look forward to Yoga all day. And Yoga class days are much better than non-Yoga class days. And what I find on Thursdays typically is four or five smiling faces and a place of peace and non-judgment. A 'healing' space as Angela calls it. And it is a healing place. I walk in and leave all the junk at the door.

At first, my mind is still cluttered with thoughts and fears and worries and sadness, but then, I hear, "If your mind starts to wander, just focus on the breath." And I do. I try to imagine what the oxygen that I'm drawing in is doing. Where is it going? What is it giving the most benefit? I've had asthma since I was little so I know what a shallow breath is. Now, I only see asthma-like symptoms if I run or have a panic attack. In 2003, I hiked up the 5.0 mile Waihee Ridge Trail on Maui, six months after my arthritis diagnosis, six months after I hadn't been able to walk, six months after I hadn't been able to hold a pen. It was, however only 4 months after my introduction to Yoga. I used diaphragmatic breathing all the way up that ridge and avoided an asthma attack. Last night, in the initial quiet of the bliss practice, I was on Maui again (not nearly as warm though).

Bliss is a hip-opening class. Never had this become more apparent than in FROG pose. Yes, people. Frog. Picture one. Let's picture a nice tree frog and not a poison dart frog or a fat bull frog. Let me impose on your "essence of frog" and bring to mind a neon green tree frog. So there's a reason the pose bears the same name. One thing I've learned in the last few months is the more impossible something appears to be, the more you want it and the harder you'll work to get it. This is actually how I swim which is by extension why I was kicked out of the Virginia Beach Rec Center pool. Frogs are not welcome. Sorry guys. But the level of difficulty on dry land is much higher. However, I refuse not to try. I may fall or crack in a thousand places, but I will at least have tried. And you know what? I succeeded. I frogged.

I also managed to lunge and twist with my hands in prayer posture. Freaking amazing. On both sides...for as long as I was supposed to. Are you kidding me? There is a moment when I'm able to do something like that where I say, "oh my gosh, I just did that." And I am filled with wonder and amazement. I hope that I don't lose that moment. I want to get better and benefit more and more from the poses, but I hope I always have a sense of thrill.

I'm surrounded by such a sweet spirit in our Yoga studio. Hugh came over to tell me about a poetry reading tomorrow night in Portsmouth. I won't be able to attend, but how thoughtful. Doesn't know me from Eve but remembers enough to know that I write poetry. The atmosphere is in such contrast to my work-a-day world. So, I set about the task of figuring out how I can carry that with me, how I can breathe that kind of sweetness into the rest of my day, into the lives of the people around me. Mostly, I want to be able to give myself that sweetness when that old bitter taste comes into my mouth. At least I know when my mind starts to wander, I can bring it back to me one diaphragmatic breath at a time.