Multi-level Flow Class led by Diane Malaspina:

Monday, January 4, 2010.

This is by far the most challenging class I'm taking right now. First, I haven't quite struck the food balance. If I eat less than two hours before class and then try all of those downward facing dogs...well, you get the picture. But then, if I don't eat I'm ready to gnaw the leather off my steering wheel trying to get to Panera after class. And sometimes, I'm afraid that other people can hear my stomach growling. Nice. I've tried a four o'clock snack. No good. The next step is a four o'clock MEAL. I'll see how that works out next week and maybe my fellow yogis won't think they're practicing with a shapeshifter who's about to emerge.

Physically, the class is challenging because it's constant movement. But I think that's my favorite part. I have to push myself. So many times during practice, my mind says, "you can't do that," or "that's too hard". And I have this inner conversation (read: argument). "Stop telling yourself that," and "Suck it up and do it." This fight was in full force during Warrior 3. The suck-it-up me lost during round one. Two car accidents at over 50 mph have done a fair amount of damage to the left hip so it needs a little more persuasion. So, I fell out of the position. Which made me mad. Not because I'm not 'perfect' in the pose. But because I don't like it when a weaker part of me wins out. I don't like to give in to pain or stiffness or anything that tries to hold me back from whatever it is that I want to achieve. So, we went into Warrior 3 with the right leg extended and I looked directly at the left foot, planted firmly into the mat. "You're going to do this," I said. And it did. I did! I don't know how it looked, but I did it and I did a little 'yuss!' when I came out of it. It's the smallest of victories that mean the most.

The next triumph was handstand prep...hands grounded on the mat and feet up the wall. First lift the right leg up...then the left. And again. Three times I managed it. I said, "I'm going to do this." And Diane said, "This is your year." Sometimes, we have no idea how much weight our words carry. And sometimes we do. So, I embrace that prophecy. This is my year. My year for handstand, for one and my year for a series of small triumphs I can't even fathom.

So, when I say my Monday night class is challenging, I mean it in a good way. I feel challenged to be better.